I woke up suddenly, aware of a light shining directly in my face. This is such a shock because I am sitting in the driver’s seat of my black 1997 Ford Escort at a stop sign. I must have passed out or worse been in a black out because I have no recollection of how I came to be slumped over the steering wheel, unconscious. Now as I look towards the light I heard a male voice saying “hey, hey wake up, are you alright?” I look up and see through the front windshield the stop sign, then the street sign that reads Cockshutt Road and Sour Springs Road. Across the street I could see Derris’ Sunoco station. I know exactly where I am, the question that is blaring inside my mind was how did I get here? HOW?
A horrible realization is coming into my psyche; I am drunk, I can smell the alcohol on my own breath as I put my head down in both shock and disappointment. How could this have happened, to me, sober for over twenty years? Disillusion, panic, dismay, and frustration were all feelings that suddenly entered my thought process, as subdued and muted as it is at the moment.
My door opened and I looked down and could clearly see the black pavement, a small circle lit by the flashlight being held, and the small gravel that lay on the road. Then I saw a rather large, probably size 12, black leather shoe there and looking up I see a blue stripe on the side of his black slacks and as my eyes travel further upward I see a gun holstered. He asks “Have you been drinking? Step out of the car?” I am so filled with disbelief that I cannot move, cannot fathom that this is real. All that is going through my mind is “how did this happen?” In less than a month I am set to graduate from University with a graduate degree, a job in the court system awaits me. This can’t be. I can’t be arrested for DWI; I’ve come so far and have so much to lose.
Instead of getting out of the car as his directive urges me; a thought, no a clearly discernable voice in my head says: “run.” So I do, I slam the door put the car in first gear, let out the clutch quickly as I gas it and turn right. At the first road I turn right again and am headed back towards the Six Nations Reserve. I drive faster and faster as I see the flashing lights coming behind me in my rearview mirror. I know where I can lose him I turn off my lights and know that a side road is coming up I turn down the road and quickly turn into a laneway. There are many cars parked there and they line the road in both directions. I jump out of my car and run towards the house, I’ve lost him, relief floods through me.
As I knock on the door I know where I am, I don’t wait for someone to say come in or to open the door, and I just walk in. The house is immediately familiar, my Grandmother Vera is there, as is my Aunt Spence, the house is filled with people laughing and eating. Although I know where I am I feel confused and eerily think to myself that this can’t be real because I know both my Gram and my Auntie have been dead for years. How did I find this place? I ask my Grandmother to help me; I tell her what has happened and feel shame and embarrassment in the telling and can feel the heat travel up into my face. She calls my Auntie over and we go to the door. She comforts me and promises that she will help me and we will work this all out. I wonder how it can be so.
As we leave the house I look up and down the road first and then I follow her down the steps and out to a car, her car? I can’t be sure but she gets in the passenger seat and my Auntie steps around me to get into the driver’s seat. Suddenly a large white dog is in front of me as I try to get into the back seat, its large teeth showing as it snarls and snaps at me. My Gram gets out quickly and steps between us, she opens the back door and pushes me to get in. As the door closes and she gets back in I am still wondering how this can be. My heart is pounding; sweat has dampened the back of my neck.
I wake up suddenly and am so filled with relief that it is only a dream. My heart is still pounding and my nightgown is damp with my own sweat.
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